I watch Fox News at home, and every time the subject of the failure of ObamaCare came up, I would hear liberals such as Juan Williams make it his primary point that Republicans always wanted ObamaCare to fail to begin with. Which [of course] obviously made it our fault that it is failing. When I am at my gym, I am invariably forced (deservedly, I’m sure) to watch MSNBC. And of course I am told repeatedly that Republicans always wanted ObamaCare to fail and that [obviously] its failure is therefore our fault.
I see articles like this one in the Washington Post demanding to know “Who are the make-Obamacare-fail dead-enders, anyway?”
Who are we, indeed? Or, to put it in liberal-blame terms, “Just who the hell do we think we are?”
I, as a representative Republican conservative, take it upon myself to accept the blame that liberals demand I wear around my neck albatross-fashion: I am responsible for ObamaCare and its failure.
It took me a while to figure out just HOW I was to blame, given that I never wanted the damn demonic law to begin with, but I think I finally understand.
You see, Democrats and liberals are people with pathologically inferior minds. They are morally depraved, lesser beings. And what happened is that the negative energy of my clearly superior conservative brain somehow affected the cud-chewing Democrat brain, such that my negative energy further retarded them and made them stupid.
The problem, of course, is that “Glitch Girl” just didn’t stimulate the way that all those porn site girls did. I guess at least the porn girls presumably got paid for what they sell. But that is my fault, too.
The Face of ObamaCare herself never enrolled in this turd a.k.a. “The Affordable Care Act.” The smiling face of ObamaCare bliss was all just an illusion as it was all just a delusion. But that is my fault.
How could the product of such pathologically inferior minds possibly get off the ground with my superior brain waves influencing all and everything around me??? It’s my fault.
Can I be like a liberal here and beg forgiveness on the basis of my good intentions? How could I know that my mind was so superior and that the minds of Democrats were so inferior that my negative brain energy would dominate all the liberals around me and make them so stupid and so incompetent that their “signature legislative accomplishment” would blow up like the Hindenburg???
But I realize that isn’t fair: only liberals can cite their good intentions to excuse themselves for the failures of their actions, of course. Republicans – due to their superior minds – are expected to understand all the consequences of their actions and must therefore always be held responsible and criminalized wherever possible.
So there it is. Pass it around. Unlike Obama, I fully accept responsibility. It was because of me that liberals and Democrats wanted this stupid thing, wrote this stupid thing, voted for this stupid thing and implemented this stupid thing. And even though liberals did it all by themselves, my negative brain waves were insidiously affecting them at every step of the way.
Now, for those conservatives who would still stubbornly insist that they bear no responsibility for the failure of ObamaCare, I make one further comparison to expose your guilt: to Elizabeth Smart.
Yes, just like Elizabeth Smart, conservatives like myself were forcibly abducted from our health care system that we preferred. We had no say-so. We didn’t vote for the damn thing. We didn’t get to participate in it in any way, any shape or any form. We had nothing to do with its implementation or the stupid website or the 18,000 pages of regulations that Obama wrote after the law was passed.
Yes, just like Elizabeth Smart, we were forced to participate in this system whether we wanted it or not. We didn’t get to issue waivers to ourselves the way Obama issued waivers to all his union and corporate cronies. I recall just a few weeks ago during the fury of the government shut down that Republicans just wanted to delay ObamaCare for a year, but they were told what? How DARE you! ObamaCare was passed by Congress, signed into law by the president, and affirmed by the Supreme Court. Just like the Defense of Marriage Act, but that’s another story. What right did Republicans have to change it or alter it in any way? Only Obama – by unconstitutionally exercising powers that were solely reserved to Congress – had the right to repeatedly change the law. Praise him! Hail him! For only he is worthy!
Obama provided a football analogy and said yesterday that he fumbled the ObamaCare football. He also moved the goal posts and completely changed the rules of the game while the game was being played. But all that’s beside the point.
But that’s besides the point, you see: because in spite of the fact that Elizabeth Smart was abducted, in spite of the fact that she was forced to take part in a “relationship” she never wanted, in spite of the fact that she was repeatedly raped, HAD SHE JUST WANTED IT, THE RELATIONSHIP WOULD HAVE SUCCEEDED.
If Elizabeth Smart had just accepted her new status and desired to be raped, everything would have been good. But to her great blame, there remained some part of her that didn’t want any of it. That poisoned the relationship.
It was Elizabeth Smart’s fault her relationship with her rapist abductor failed, you see. At least in the minds of the Democrats who abducted Republicans and forced them to participate in the sick, twisted “relationship” otherwise known as the ObamaCare mandate.
Look, all Democrats want from us is this: when we’re getting butt-raped (by the “condom-protected,” of course) phallus of ObamaCare, all they ask is that we moan in ecstasy and push our eager rectums against our attacker as we accept his government thrusts into our lives. That’s all they’ve asked us for regarding the assault of ObamaCare. And as we listen to the diatribes of the left who point out that we were always opposed to our rape, is it really so much for them to demand that we just sit back and enjoy it???
Accept your blame, ye rape-hating Republicans. The failure of ObamaCare is truly all your fault. How dare you never have wanted it to begin with. How dare you.