So I’m in my DMV and go to the drinking fountain to try to wash the bad taste of government bureaucracy out of my mouth.
What do I see on a sign right above it?
THANK YOU FOR NOT SMOKING
Really, I think. Thank you? For not doing something that they have made illegal to do in the first place?
What would happen if I lit up a cig at the DMV and refused to put it out? I mean, what are the odds that the police would literally drive by five bank robberies in progress to bust me?
Liberalism is a religion and smoking is one of their sins. And don’t think that liberalism doesn’t punish its sinners.
We really ought to see more of these signs, such as:
“THANK YOU FOR NOT URINATING IN THE SINK” posted above the sink in both the men’s and women’s bathrooms.
Women can piss in the sink too, after all; it’s just more awkward for them to do so, given the whole splayed-leg balancing act they’d have to do. But shouldn’t they still be thanked for not doing it?
“THANK YOU FOR NOT DEFECATING” posted on a sign in the flower bed outside.
I mean, why not have such a sign? Shouldn’t I be thanked for not pooping in the begonias?
Oh, [double entendre alert] crap. I forgot. That sort of behavior is actually FINE under liberalism:
You might have a sign that says:
THANK YOU FOR NOT REMOVING YOUR CLOTHING AND RUNNING AROUND NAKED
But sadly, liberalism is all-too willing to permit that.
I mean, as long as they’re not SMOKING, right??? Because that would be gross, whereas a flabby middle-aged liberal pervert with his pimply and wobbly butt and his grossly inadequate private parts isn’t gross at all. I mean, at least not according to the selfsame liberal perverts who are actually quite impressed with themselves and actually enjoy flaunting their inadequacies. It’s part of what makes them such great whiny, pathetic victims, you see.
Oh, there really should be a sign that reads:
THANK YOU FOR NOT SEXUALLY MOLESTING CHILDREN
But we all know that liberals really don’t care about the molesting of children. After all, going back to the days when organizations such as “The North American Man-Boy Love Association” was part of the homosexual rights movement, child molesting has never been one of the “sins” that liberalism preaches against.
In 1993, the International Lesbian and Gay Association achieved United Nations consultative status. NAMBLA’s membership in ILGA drew heavy criticism and caused the suspension of ILGA. Many gay organizations called for the ILGA to dissolve ties with NAMBLA. Republican Senator Jesse Helms proposed a bill to withhold $119 million in UN contributions until U.S. President Bill Clinton could certify that “no UN agency grants any official status, accreditation, or recognition to any organization which promotes, condones, or seeks the legalization of pedophilia, that is, the sexual abuse of children”. The bill was unanimously approved by Congress and signed into law by Clinton in April 1994.
Note that it took Republican morality to keep that relationship between homosexuals and pedophiles from blossoming.
So don’t be expecting to actually ever see any “thank you for not molesting children” signs posted on government buildings any time soon, given crap like this:
A judge in Nevada has outraged many after deciding to lower a convicted sex offender’s sentence from life in prison with the possibility of parole in 10 years to just one year in prison. The decision to lower the prison term came only one week after the original sentencing.
Washoe County Judge Brent Adams changed the sentence to one year in prison and five years probation because, as he claims, there was a clerical error in filing a signed copy of the original sentencing. Judge Adams also says that it was never his objective to give 69-year-old Isaac Onsurez that harsh of a sentence.
According to reports, Onsurez began sexually abusing a 6-year-old girl in the late 1990s, and the abuse went on for two years, finally stopping in 1999. 12 years later, the girl decided to report what happened to her, and when charges were filed against Onsurez, he admitted to his crimes. Reports claim that the man abused the young girl over 100 times in the two-year period. When Onsurez was questioned by police, he claimed that the then six-year-old was a, “curious child that wanted sex.”
“It was the harshest sentence he could impose, and that was the justice we were looking for,” said the girl’s mother of the original sentence. “Then two days later we get a phone call.”
Well, the mother’s outrage and pain only makes it all the sweeter for liberals. After all, mom should have aborted that child. If she had just murdered her kid when she was in the womb none of this would have happened, right? Her outraged agony serves her right. And that’s the sort of “justice” that liberals love the most: when the vile people win and the decent people lose.
Signs like “Thank you for not smoking” is really liberal fascism at its finest. It’s their hoity-toity, self-congratulating way of saying, “Thank you for not doing something that your elite liberal masters frown upon.”
Really, the only other sign mentioned above that has any chance at qualifying as enough of a “sin” under liberalism to actually get posted is the one about peeing in the sink. Maybe that’s the only common ground decent people have with the left.
What they’d really like to post is a sign that reads, “THANK YOU FOR NOT VOTING REPUBLICAN.” Because that’s the very worst sin of all according to liberalism. That and supporting the NRA, anyway.
If you can think of any other signs that should be posted in government buildings “thanking” you for not doing things that are literally against the law to begin with, please feel free to post them here. Who knows, maybe a liberal bureaucrat will decide what you meant in jest is a great idea.