Archive for the ‘Humor’ Category

Obama Administration Claims Blue Collar Workers And Business Leaders Alike Are Disqualified To Be President

May 25, 2012

“Your job as President is to promote the common good — that doesn’t mean the private equity guys are bad guys. They’re not. But that no more qualifies you to be President than being a plumber,” Mr. Biden joked to laughter. “And by the way, there are a lot of awful smart plumbers.” — Joe Biden

A lot of “smart plumbers” who aren’t really qualified to be president, of course.

Do you know what clearly DOES qualify you to be president?

Being a Marxist community agitator and then going into the State Senate where you continually vote “present.”  Oh, and then spending 144 days as a U.S. Senator before breaking your nationally-televised promise NOT to run for president:

MR. RUSSERT: Well, nine months ago, you were on this program and I asked you about running for president. And let’s watch and come back and talk about it.

(Videotape, January 22, 2006):

MR. RUSSERT: When we talked back in November of ‘04, after your election, I said, “There’s been enormous speculation about your political future. Will you serve your full six-year term as a United States senator from Illinois?” Obama: “Absolutely.”

SEN. OBAMA: I will serve out my full six-year term. You know, Tim, if you get asked enough, sooner or later you get weary and you start looking for new ways of saying things, but my thinking has not changed.

MR. RUSSERT: But, but—so you will not run for president or vice president in 2008?

SEN. OBAMA: I will not.

(End videotape)

Only documented-lying Marxists need apply for the job of president, say Democrats.

At the very least we’re talking about an elitist political class of liberal bureaucrats who believe that only career bureaucrats have any business ruling and reigning from high office.

Being somebody who knows how the economy works inside and out by buying and developing hundreds of businesses, being somebody who has made payrolls, being somebody who has created budgets and business plans and product and growth strategies???  Nope.  A lifetime of that sort of experience isn’t worth a single hour of being a radical Marxist community organizer.

What’s funny is that the same damn Joe Biden who says that plumbers and private equity firm CEOs aren’t qualified to be president also pretty damn clearly stated that the guy who is now president isn’t qualified to be president.

The really good thing about being a Democrat president?

Once you get out of office you can hang with major porn starlets and find yourself with lots more women wearing blue dresses:

Slick Willie invited them over:

In a giggly interview with TMZ, the adult films stars photographed with Bill Clinton at a fundraising gala in Monaco on Wednesday explained how they met the former president.

“He kind of was looking over at us every once in awhile. And we’re huge, psycho fans of Bill. We just think he’s really cute,” porn star Brooklyn Lee said. “So we end up wandering by. And we were going to approach him to take a picture and his Secret Service sort of brushed us away. And as we were walking away, Bill actually had the Secret Service guy call us back, to come hang out.”

Of course, in Bill Clinton’s defense: absolutely NOBODY thinks that Bill Clinton is anything other than fully qualified to hang out with porn stars.  And in fact FAR more qualified than any mere plumber or business CEO.

And, of course, in spite of Bill Clinton’s lengthy personal history of sexual shennanigans, he still knows full well that the amateur, incompetent fool who is now disgracing the White House is most definitely NOT qualified to be president.

Mind you, if the American people have enough of an instinct of self-preservation left in them to vote this turd out of office, we’ll probably be seeing “the first gay president” posing with quite a few porn stars of his own:

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Space Aliens Leaving Different Crop Circles In California Desert

February 26, 2012

When we went to the moon in 1971, our astronauts had a moon buggy (aka the lunar rover) to cruise around in:

You would expect a little more advancement in the “earth buggy” of a space alien, wouldn’t you?

Maybe theirs would look like… well, something like this:

And here’s the thing most of you fellers won’t believe: I’ve seen ’em.  Strange, helmeted beings driving around on their versions of a moon buggy.  Probably out collecting rock samples or something like that.

Now, the aliens I’ve seen have all been in California, out in the desert.  And pretty much everything is truly different in these parts.

So while the rest of the world have their crop circles –

– the California desert has its very own brand of them:

Just like with all the other crop circles, no earthling really knows what fabulous message the aliens are trying to communicate.

All I can tell you is that the California desert crop circle looks like fun to make.

Ted Nugent Reflects On Dumb Deer And Dumber Democrats

November 29, 2011

How Deer Think

 
Great Quote!
Deer Hunting Story…even if you don’t care about hunting…Gotta Love Ted!Ted Nugent, rock star and avid bow hunter from Michigan , was being interviewed by a liberal journalist, an animal rights activist. The discussion came around to deer hunting. The journalist asked, ‘What do you think is the last thought in the head of a deer before you shoot him? Is it, ‘Are you my friend?’ or is it ‘Are you the one who killed my brother?

Nugent replied, ‘Deer aren’t capable of that kind of thinking. All they care about is, what am I going to eat next, who am I going to screw next, and can I run fast enough to get away. They are very much like the Democrats in Congress.’

The interview ended.

The Bad Lip Reading Video We’ve Been Waiting For: Ron Paul, The Guy Who Looks Crazy Enough To Really Say All This Stuff

November 18, 2011

Nancy Pelosi So Crammed Full Of Hypocrisy Even Liberal Comic Jon Stewart Can’t Take It Anymore

November 14, 2011

Jon Stewart is a doctrinaire liberal down the line.  His problem is that he’s in a line of work that sometimes forces him to find what is clearly utterly ridiculous even among his own.

There is NOBODY who could claim that Jon Stewart is a “conservative” or a “Republican.”  If he can’t stand Nancy Pelosi’s abject hypocrisy, you can pretty much take it to the bank that Nancy Pelosi’s hypocrisy is utterly vile beyond belief.

Pelosi drives even Jon Stewart crazy
by Joel Gehrke Commentary Staff Writer
November 11, 2011

Former House Speaker and current Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi, D-Calif., attacked Republicans for their opposition to debt ceiling increases, but defended President Obama for voting against a debt-ceiling increase when he was in the Senate, during an interview with Jon Stewart. Her effort to reconcile the two positions drove The Daily Show host to distraction. You can see the transcript and video below.

Pelosi: “We didn’t say, ‘[Bush] amassed this debt, we’re not lifting the debt ceiling,’ because we have to honor the full faith and credit of our country. Republicans with this president, and this president only, exacted upon him that $1.2 trillion [spending cut].

JS: “Well, there were — you know, President Obama himself voted against lifting the debt ceiling [as a Senator].”

Pelosi: “That’s okay, you can lift it, but you can’t obstruct it.”

JS: “No, he voted against lifting it.”

Pelosi: “You can vote against it. You can vote against lifting it.”

JS: “But he said he voted against lifting it because he knew the other people would lift it.”

Pelosi: “That’s right. That’s right. And I say to my members, ‘you can vote anyway you want, but we’re not going to obstruct [the debt-ceiling increase].’ It’s about if you’re going to obstruct.”

JS: “So its okay to do it for political reasons, but not for principle.”

Pelosi: “No, you have to vote what you believe.”

JS: “As long as it doesn’t actually obstruct it.”

Pelosi: “Well, other people who may believe differently can take care of that.”

[Editor’s note: at this point, Jon Stewart put his hand over his face]

Pelosi: “I honestly believe that people vote what they believe. And at that given time, with that set of facts, they don’t want to put their imprimatur on it. They had a different responsibility than I had as Speaker of the House. I had to get it passed. Others had the luxury of expressing their views, but I had get it passed, had to have enough votes to get it passed.”

[See the Washington Examiner site for video of the Daily Show]

It has now been 928 days since the Democrats passed any kind of a budget whatsoever.  These people are incompetent fools in addition to being hypocrites and demagogues.

Poor John Boehner Forced To Sit Next To A Village Idiot While A Blind Fool ‘Leads’ America

September 10, 2011

There are times when a picture truly IS worth a thousand words:

That picture was part of an article that is well worth reading.

Poor Speaker Boehner.  It’s tough to be sane in Obama’s God Damn America.

Bumps On The Road: If At First They Don’t Succeed, Obama, Democrats (And Their ‘Experts’) Lie, Lie Again

June 6, 2011

There’s a memory that still makes me laugh.  I had a friend who worked the graveyard shift when I was in college.  When he got off work (i.e., when I was just getting up) he took his car to the shop for a repair and had asked me to meet him there and give him a ride home.

So I was standing there when the mechanic began to explain what was wrong with my friend’s car.  And my friend, wanting to see, put his hand on the radiator of the still hot engine.  He leaped back holding his hand.  The mechanic looked at him for a second, shook his head, and continued explaining.

Soon enough, my friend AGAIN put his hand on the radiator.  With the same result.  This time the mechanic looked at me and shook his head before going on.

You won’t believe this, but my friend actually did it a third time.

And the mechanic looked at him and said, “You just don’t learn, do you?”

I am here to tell you that Democrats are every bit as dumb as my friend.  And the only thing more hopelessly stupid than a liberal is a liberal “expert.”

Our economy is in a state of ruin.  Many of the most important numbers – such as unemployment and housing and manufacturing and consumer confidence – aren’t just as bad as they were when Obama took over, but far, far worse.  And with no sign of getting better.

If you survey the history of economics, there has never been a recession that lasted forever.  Sooner or later, things hit their bottoms and begin to get better.  Most severe recessions last about two years.  Even during the Great Depression – which in fact was a Great Depression for virtually every country on the planet – most of those nations emerged after no more than a few years.  The ONLY exception was the United States of America, which was being led by a socialist named FDR with near dictatorial power.  That recession/depression just went on and on and on.  FOR SEVEN YEARS LONGER THAN IT SHOULD HAVE.

Franklin Delano Roosevelt was such a disaster that we actually amended the Constitution to make sure that we’d never end up with another FDR ever again.  Roosevelt knew absolutely nothing about business or economics and actually thought that by punishing business he’d somehow get more employment.  Like my friend, he repeated the same mistakes again and again and again, constantly expecting different results than the ones he kept getting.

And that is precisely where we are today: helplessly writhing in the grasp of a dictatorial socialist fool.

Allow me to show you how Obama, how the Democrats and how their “economists” – to put it in the words of the mechanic – “just don’t learn.”

Let’s begin with the beginning of the Obama regime, with his “stimulus” (also known as the Generational Theft Act): pork barrel spending that will ultimately cost the American people $3.27 TRILLION.

What did Obama promise you, as even the New York Times was forced to admit?

In the weeks just before President Obamatook office, his economic advisers made a mistake. They got a little carried away with hope.

To make the case for a big stimulus package, they released their economic forecast for the next few years. Without the stimulus, they saw the unemployment rate  —  then 7.2 percent  —  rising above 8 percent in 2009 and peaking at 9 percent next year. With the stimulus, the advisers said, unemployment would probably peak at 8 percent late this year.

We now know that this forecast was terribly optimistic.

According to Obama’s forecase, unemployment would NEVER rise above 8% if that massive government spending aka the stimulus was passed.  And unemployment would be UNDER 7% this year.  Let’s chalk that up as a great big giant “NOT!!!”

OUCH!!!  That’s one hand on the hot radiator.

Obama and the Democrat Party and their “economists” continued to stuipdly talk about all the jobs he “saved.”  The only problem was that “saved jobs” had NEVER IN THE ENTIRE HISTORY OF ECONOMICS BEEN CONSIDERED PRIOR TO THE AGE OF OBAMA:

Harvard economics Professor Gregory Mankiw said, “there is no way to measure how many jobs are saved.” Allan Meltzer, professor of political economy at Carnegie Mellon University said “One can search economic textbooks forever without finding a concept called ‘jobs saved.’ It doesn’t exist for good reason: how can anyone know that his or her job has been saved?”

And they went on and on with pure unadulterated totally bogus bullcrap to pat themselves on the back for what in reality was a total fiasco.  They just don’t learn, do they?

“OUCH!!!”

Let’s call that a second hand on the hot radiator – even though they did it over and over and over again – and are STILL doing it as we speak.

But that wasn’t it with this pile of pure fools.  If at first your policy fails, keep trying to fail more and bigger:

Obama Defends Stimulus Amid Calls For Round Two
by Mara Liasson   July 8, 2009

President Obama is being forced to wade into a domestic economic debate that just won’t go away: As the unemployment rate rises, there have been calls for a second round of stimulus spending.

Obama is in a difficult position. He has to defend his $787 billion economic stimulus package at a time when there are few visible signs that it has had an effect. Unemployment is at 9.5 percent, even though the White House predicted in January that with the stimulus bill, it would rise to only about 8 percent

That’s right, boys and girls.  Obama and his ilk couldn’t learn from the hot radiator.  They assumed that something else must have been hot, and they weren’t really touching what they’d just been touching.  Massive government spending was just an unmitigated failure that the answer was clearly …. (drumroll, please) …. EVEN MORE MASSIVE GOVERNMENT SPENDING!!!

“OUCH!!!”  That’s a third hand on that hot radiator.

Then there were the “green shoots” Obama saw in 2009:

Obama sees the green shoots of recovery
25/03/09 05:36 CET

US President Barack Obama believes his strategy to battle the economic downturn is beginning to show some positive results.

It comes as skepticism is growing as to the wisdom of his massive budget plan. The president took to the podium to defend his actions and answer questions from the world’s media. He said: “We’ve put in place a comprehensive strategy designed to attack this crisis on all fronts. It’s a strategy to create jobs, to help responsible homeowners, to restart lending and to grow our economy over the long-term. And we are beginning to see signs of progress.” Next week Obama makes his debut on the world stage when he attends the G20 summit in London. He outlined what he was looking for from the talks. “The goal of the G20 summit, I think, is to say to all countries ‘let’s avoid steps that could result in protectionism that would further contract global trade.’ Let’s focus on how are we going to move our regulatory process forward,” he said. Obama claims his economic plan, along with his new budget which is being prepared, is based on job creation, a more fluid housing market and a banking industry that is prepared to get credit flowing again.

Were there ever any green shoots?  Nope.  And certainly if there WERE, it’s a bunch of dead grass now.  Obama’s bullcrap stinks to high heaven, but it lacks the power to fertilize much of anything.

“OUCH!!!”

You put your hand there AGAIN, Barry Hussein?  Man, you just don’t learn, do you?

You might have thought my friend was pretty dumb.  But history would prove that he’s smarter than the man who is now President of the United States.  My friend only did it three times.  Obama’s up to four and counting.

Because what did we have in 2010 but “recovery summer”???

Obama, Biden declare ‘Recovery Summer’
By MIKE ALLEN | 6/17/10 5:06 AM EDT

Vice President Joe Biden today will kick off the Obama administration’s “Recovery Summer,” a six-week-long push designed to highlight the jobs accompanying a surge in stimulus-funded projects to improve highways, parks, drinking water and other public works.

David Axelrod, a senior adviser to the president, said: “This summer will be the most active Recovery Act season yet, with thousands of highly-visible road, bridge, water and other infrastructure projects breaking ground across the country, giving the American people a first-hand look at the Recovery Act in their own backyards and making it crystal clear what the cost would have been of doing nothing.”

Biden, President Barack Obama and other administration officials will travel to more than two dozen Recovery Act project sites in coming weeks. On Friday, the president will travel to Columbus, Ohio, to mark the groundbreaking of the 10,000th Recovery Act road project to get under way. The administration says the road improvement project in downtown Columbus is expected to create over 300 construction jobs, and will contribute to a broader economic development effort in the area around Nationwide Children’s Hospital. […]

“OUCH!!!”

Oh, come ON, Barry Hussein.  Are we going to have to put a cork on your fork so you don’t stab out your other eye???

Okay, so last year we were at “wreckovery summer.”  What now?  I mean, what else can this fool possibly say?

Well, now all the terrible news about unemployment, about housing, about manufacturing, about consumer confidence is all just a “bump in the road.”

There are always going to be bumps on the road to recovery,” Obama said.

“OUCH!!!”

Obama is a far more stupid and more foolish man than my friend will ever be.

The question is, just how stupid are YOU???  I hope not so much as to actually re-elect this complete moral idiot.

In August 2009, while Obama was still talking about his “green shoots,” we had this prediction:

Peter Schiff, Pres Euro Pacific Capital: “The recession might be coming to an end; the problem is the depression is just getting started.”

“Newsweek trumpets the recession is over.  But it’s just a temporary ‘good time’ like the high you get if you do too much crack cocaine; with the stimulus being an artificial stimulant that gets us deeper and deeper into debt.  Remember the problem was we took on too much debt; well, now we have even more debt than when the recession began.”

OUCH!!!

Only this one is YOUR hand on the boiling hot radiator of an economy in meltdown …

Obama Honors Osama Bin Laden As True Muslim Holy Warrior, Gives Him State Funeral

May 4, 2011

Now, let me get this out from the start: if I were the president, I would have had some real hungry pigs loaded aboard the USS Carl Vinson (ala Silence of the Lambs II), fed them Osama bin Laden’s body, and then invited every single family member of those killed on 9/11 for a barbeque lunch at the White House featuring those pigs that had so recently eaten Osama bin Laden’s body as the main course.  Perhaps we would have dined under a giant banner that read, “Osama bin Laden: he was the most evil human being of the last half century, but now he’s just finger lickin’ good.”

Way over the top, I know.  My main point is that giving Osama bin Laden a Muslim burial – and literally a state funeral aboard a United States Navy aircraft carrier – was every bit as much going way over the top the other way.

As ABC reports it:

The corpse was taken to the aircraft carrier USS Carl Vinson, officials told ABC News. The ceremony, done according to Islamic law, began about 1:10 a.m. today EST and lasted about 45 minutes, according to officials.

Traditional washing of the body was followed by wrapping in white sheets. A military officer read religious remarks that were translated by a native Arabic speaker, then bin Laden was eased into the sea.

Officials said no other alternatives were available.

As for the “no other alternatives were available,” that’s just a load of crap.  Consider my pig-feast, for example.

Here’s the thing.  Barack Obama and too many liberals to bother to mention have repeatedly lectured us that terrorists such as Osama bin Laden are NOT Muslim; they have somehow taken Islam hostage, yada yada yada.

Okay, fine. So DON’T GIVE THE RAT BASTARD A MUSLIM FUNERAL THEN!!!  MAKE HIM PIG FOOD INSTEAD!!!

It seems rather obvious that Osama bin Laden is very much officially a “Muslim” now as far as the United States is concerned, given his method of burial.

And that means that Hairy Back Guy:

Night of the Living Dead Guy:

 And Wascally Wabbit Guy:

Are all real Muslims, too.

And so now and forevermore, please stop telling us they’re not real Muslims.

It has occurred to me if Osama bin Laden was a “Christian,” there is no way in hell Obama would have demanded that the US Navy – which I’m sure has better things to do than wash a scumbag’s body and chant over it for 45 minutes – would have given him a “Christian” burial.

And it flat out amazes me that even the most despicable Muslim who ever lived (with the exception of Muhammad himself) gets more respect by Obama than a Christian ever would.

I couldn’t be more sick of liberals who demand total separation of church and state wherever and whenever Christianity is concerned, and then provide every possible honor to a terrorist slimeball psycho mass murderer of American citizens.

It’s the same phenomenon with liberal “artists” who go the the Nth degree to mock Christianity, but would never dare to do the same thing with Islam.  These hypocrite cowards just make me want to spew.

I’m fine with burying the Osama bin Laden at sea, for what it’s worth.  But as another suggestion to show that another alternative was certainly available, how about bringing a battleship along and stuffing bid Laden into one of the 16-inch guns and firing off a salvo?  And instead of a Koranic sendoff carefully translated into Arabic, the master chief in charge of the main battery could provide a detailed sermon describing just how far over the horizon bin Laden would likely fly on a 300 kilogram powder charge. 

I don’t have a scintilla of doubt that the Navy crewmen wouldn’t have minded spending 45 minutes prepping for THAT funeral at all.

Jon Stewart’s Hilarious Takedown Of Obama’s Odyssey Dawn Libya Hypocrisy

March 23, 2011

Here’s the link.  Watch and enjoy.  And learn about your Hypocrite-in-Chief:

http://www.thedailyshow.com/watch/mon-march-21-2011/odyssey-dawn—unconstitutional-war

Entire Failed Obama Agenda Summed Up In One Brilliant Cartoon

February 2, 2011

Here it is, from the pen of Michael Ramirez at Investor’s Business Daily:

That about covers everything Obama’s trying to do.  Let’s ruin America with one ruinous policy after another.  And the fact that everything he’s doing has already been tried before and completely failed before shouldn’t have anything to do with anything.